Its been a little bit since my last entry but oh so much has happened. For starters I have been working alot. It seems as soon as I am done there I need to help somebody. For example I helped my freind John move out of his apartment, and helped my brother out by doing some stuff on his roof. Simple enough but it gets to be a back ache after working all day. What can you do, Im happy about having a job though, like I said before theres nothing better to distract you from lifes problems. Plus my bro said hes bringing me back a souvaneir from Cali, woot.

My job is going well, what with all the 16 year old girls prancing around in front of me all day.Well that may be a little over the top. Im not worried about them though, strangley enough I have been hanging out with the old ex. I know bad idea right, well its hard when she lives right down the road and she is actually fun to hang out with. Whatever happens between us can only be good as far as Im concerned, although she sometimes treated me like shit I did the same to her. Now things are differnt, its like we have grown up( we started dating when I was 17 and she was 16). There is a strange chemistry between us now almost like we are just trying as hard as possible to tease each other. I mean we say some pretty mean shit to eachother and laugh about it. I guess thats all you can do is laugh though. With the world the way it is today there isnt any time to be a tight ass. You have to have fun while you can, otherwise whats the point. Im sure I sound like Im rambling, but damn it if I wasnt born a ramblin man. As soon as its time for the weekend Im sure Ill have some more juicy tidbits or better yet some big juicy...

Cheers

Hopefully I can make it one more day unscathed, this weekend is gonna be a rager. Its always that way when I go to Ben's though. I can only be hopefull for something good to happen though, seeing as last weekends exploits didnt pan out. Although I had fun I just feel like Im missing something or someone. For example, I was supposed to go to this party a girl invited me to, but when I called her to come over she didnt answer and never called me back. That would lead me to belive one of two options: either she was just fucking with me as girls will do, or she is flacky and doesnt care. What are you supposed to do, call until someone answers? No you leave a message with the hope they will call back. Thats to much to ask though, really you only call people when you want to talk to them. So I suppose I should get the hint and just say forget about it. All the subtleness of which girls like to deal in is for lack of a better word retarded. We are all sophisticated human beings here, why can we not communticate ourselves effectively. Thats not the point though, its more of a test or a game I think. One that can never be won or passed, but I think if you are willing to do it that is worth something. See I hate that I have to play to get anywhere.

Whats even more fucked up about the whole thing is that when you go out drinking, girls let down their guard when they are drunk. Now its not up to them, its up to a guy to see that weakness and exploit it to win. Now not every case is like that, it is more intricate than that. When you get down to the core of why guys and girls interact it is for one reason. Any guy thats freinds with a girl at some point wants to or wanted to get in her pants, unless of course she is persuing him. Girls know this but are attention whores so its ok. Guys on the other hand could give a shit about any girl whether its freind or girlfriend for the simple reason that they can justify it if they find someone better. It is crude and maybe girls are the same way in some aspects( they sure arent giving it up though), but once again it is a game so no one is up front. I mean are you going to play poker and show everyone your cards. What I have written is from my own personal take on life, although cynical. Dont be bothered that you are just a piece of meat or a toy, let someone eat you or play with you. That way at least you know you are getting some use.

Cheers

Not much to be said about the past few days, though there were a few good times. I got to get some exercise, which is never bad for you.Friday night was fun, I chiiled with an old friend and caught up on old times. Had a tasty beer with my burger, and strangley enough ended up meeting some random girls that went to my highschool. On saturday me and B played some soccer with the guys at the park. It was really fun but I only got to play part of our game. Maybe next time they will see that I can really play. I still had fun though. Latter that night we chilled with some good guys I havent seen in a while. There was alot of old faces to see this weekend. Additionally, I think that the current jump in population we have had due to school starting is great. Now when I drive through the U its wall to wall hot women. Im sure all the places I like to go downt town will be zooed, but what can you do.

On another note I have been thinking a lot about my current reality, I want to change everything about it. I think I am goin to try to have a whole different out look on life. Maybe that will benefit me some how. I suppose even if it doesnt benefit me it will still be different, which is always refreshing. Staying busy is going to be a big part of that. You cant really think about things that bother you when you are preoccupied with other things. Good old distraction, no better technique for ignoring lifes problems. Well I think I have said enough for now, dont forget to comment if you read this so I know you like me or hate me, in which case you can go fuck yourself.

Cheers

I know you might be thinking that is a strange title but I will tell you why it works. Its just about time for the weekend party scene, so my deviations may be activated. Seeing as most of what I like to do is so cliche Im calling it standard. Now that we got that settled let me say I am looking forward to deveating as much as possible. I mean for crying out loud I havent gotten laid in like.... 2 months. I know it seems like childsplay to some, but after being on a losing streak for like 6 months before that it makes my latest failures seem even worse. I guess you are supposed to play this game with girls. You know the routine: Guy aproaches girl, girls freinds give guy dirty looks untill he buys them drinks, girls become to drutnk to function, guy finds lone girl at last call, you know the rest. Well maybe thats not how it always goes but you get the idea. I hate the fact that this is all a game you are supposed to participate in if you want some ass. I think that might be the bigger lesson to learn here, you know that you have to play to win.

I wish I had more to talk about but I would rant about things that only bother me, so it would be silly to waste time talking about that stuff. I guess that doesnt leave much else to say then. Blow me Im out

I have finally decided that no one reads, nor cares about my little blog. I have really started to question if I should continue to write in it. When that happens I end up not writting for a few days and then I put in a new entry. So if anyone is out there let me know so I wont feel so lonely. Ha like I need your aproval, bitches. J/K I just wish I knew if anyone ever read all this crap I write. It doesnt really matter though I will probably still get bored and write an entry. I think its the end of this particular entry though. Remember dont be afraid to comment so I know that you are out there

Cheers

Well the last time that I wanted to post I didnt get to finish. I was complaining about this crappy weather weve had lately. Now that the sun did come out a little I feel a million times better. Stangely enough a couple of days of golden rays will make all your troubles go away.

I was completely blown away last night, I saw my exgirlfreind at the ol watering hole. Now usually this would be akward or sad, but she wanted to dance. I usually dont go out on to the dance floor for fear of embaresment, but she grabed my arm and draged me out anyway. I dont know if she was shit faced and didnt care or if she is really cool with me now. I suppose being single helps and all, but its so hard to understand why everything happens this way. I must admit that I had a hard time being on my best behavior considering we were both intoxicated by the end of the night. I dont want to ruin whatever good may come of this, so I accesed the situatin and thought it best not to be an asshole. Usually I end up getting mad over stupid shit when Im drunk, but I was at ease last night. I feel like im being sofented up for something though, like maybe I wil only be built up to be torn down. I cant help that its just my attitude about most of my experiences.

There are other factors involved for me these days, I mean there are alot of girls out there so I cant get all whooped over one girl. Especially when I have been whooped over the same girl. I also cant forget that some things change, but some things stay the same. The key is just realizing whats changed and what has not.

Cheers

I look so Pissed but, im really not.

In case you couldnt tell by my name I have a weakness for the Zep. That being said I think my title is apropriate for the last few days of existence. I have spent much of my time contemplating nothing and everything. Also listening to The Postal Service, The Killers, and of course my favorite Led tunes. Its kinda nice to have the whole discography so I dont have to get bored. I still need some live tunes, but I am working on that.

What a true thing to say "Good Times, Bad Times" one is bound to happen, I mean there arent really just ok times are there.Well maybe there are but it was feast or famine this weekend. The amount of time I wasted was large but fun was had in exchange. What more can you ask for in trade...how about a girl to waste my time on. Wait I already had a few of those. Well it seems my luck has all but run out on that avenue, although it is safe to say that my next opportunity cant be far off with school starting up again. Not really my type, but that isnt the point is it. Hopefully all the other guys will be drooling over some hot coeds and I can talk to some pale chicks. Oh sometimes I crack myself up, I dont think that will be the case at all. I'll probably end up just chillin and drinking my beer or whatever. I know myself to well to not expect that kind of behavior. Wait I know what would be totally out of the ordinary for me, get totally faded and tell someone "I have a penis for you" follow that up with offer for a drink. I can see it all unfolding now...how magical.

Enough about that stuff, I really should focus on other things but its hard when you happen to be a... eheem frustrated guy. Im sure its just as bad for the ladies but, then again you know you can get a guy any time you want so really there should be no excuse. Any frustrated ladies that claim they can get no guy, come talk to me maybe we can work something out. I mean I can give you a nice back rub and kiss you on the cheek if thats all it takes, but there might need to be some more extensive hu hu extensive interaction. One last thing before I stop, ask yourself this: If a tree falls in the forrest and there isnt any one around to hear it, did it make any sound?

Sounds easy enough but in retrospect much harder to acomplish.Well I guess the only thing to talk about is how saturday went. Started of with a soccer game at my homie B's casa. Bublled up for the match and chilled. Later on we ended up at this party for someones birthday. It was chill, but there was a grip of people as the night wore on. I actually saw this girl I went to elementary/ jr high with.Of course I didnt have the balls to talk to her, I was afraid she wouldnt remember me Plus all the other random emo kids and gangbangers had to make an appearance. It was great fun until the cops showed up at like 2:30. What can you expect though it always turns into a bust after like 2:00. Either way I left as fast as I came, went back to B's for my car and was on my way home for the night

Well at least I didnt get in any trouble this weekend, It would seem that the fuzz is slowly catching up with me, still not fast enough though.Everything should be back to normal now considering the recent developements. Let me be more specific, the femi nazi and hitler's misrtress have been reunited.If your reading, glad to have you back in town T. Tell me about your adventures next time I am graced with your presence, which I hope isnt so far in the future.Anyway I feel a lot better then I did for my last post, almost cleansed. I know its the fact that I got to spend a little quality time with some folks I havent seen in a while. Dont get me wrong I like everyone the same, it was just nice to see some old freinds. Quality time consisted mostly of getting drunk, and blunted out. There was some beer pong and cig smoking. All the standard practice at a house party. I think sometimes it is nice to skip the bar scene and chill some place else. The only thing that is dangerous is when 5-0 gets involved, for the simple reason that Im 21 and some other people arent. Usually that can result with my ass in a sling, but alas the nights fancies ended in no such situation.

The whole time I try to spend writting this stupid thing I end up deleting half of it. Its so frustrating to want to express myself and not be able to. Obviously the compy isnt the best way to do that but its pretty much all I have as an outlet these days. I decided I dont want to share my poems because I just dont care anymore. Im so fed up with my life that Im giving up all hope of anything good happening as a result of me giving a shit. Its the same shit over and over when I open my eyes. I feel so joyless, my troat hurts, and my chest aches. I need something strong to nurse me back, get me out of this hole. What could it be...Chances are I wont find it because I will be to busy wallowing in my own shortcomings. I feel so great after that. Its like I can say the most negative depresing things and no one is there to tell me to stop. Maybe the compy is alright after all for this expression stuff, but that doesnt mean I wont get a comment. Surely my negativity will be before me in other aspects of my experience. Alas there will be no shrill voice, no iron fist and no soft touch to help get rid of this cynical attitudeof mine. So what now do I spiral further into the depths of this casam of darkness, or do I try and look at the brighter side hoping to see the sun when I look up